Eff You Stoopid Bite Size Coconut Cupcake

Well, not really. You weren't actively pushing me to eat you. But sometimes it's easier to blame the food than the pressure to partake of what everyone else is - although you did just have three cheese cream stuffed strawberries. But that was fruit, so does it really count as dessert?

Why does "no mean no" when it comes to sex, drugs or alcohol but not food. I am completely guilty of this - I love cooking for others and giving seconds makes me so happy. But when we're on the receiving end it shouldn't be so hard to give a polite but firm "no" without making the host feel bad - or to be really honest making yourself feel worse later.

So my "eff you" is really to myself for not putting myself first and saying no and meaning it.

Egg Rolls and Egg Creams

For the past fifteen years my dad continually asks what cultural activities I take advantage of living in NYC. Have I been to any good shows lately? Only if the drag queens at Stingy Lulu's count, and that was over ten years ago. What about museums? I do love artwork, but I hate tourists and crowds so I only go when the parents are in town. Today I did venture out for some NY culture at the Egg Rolls and Egg Cream Festival at the Museum at Eldridge. I didn't actually step inside the museum, all the food was on the street.

This is a true block party, in that it only takes up one block. The cons are that it gets a little crowded (but a polite nudge and people will shift so you can move by) and it limits the capacity for multiple food vendors. This is not to say that the festival is lacking in food, and they deliver on their promise of egg rolls (homemade and delicious) and egg creams (made on the spot and refreshing). But I was kind of hoping to also snack on some dumplings and knish as well. The pros are that the crowd is all local (I avoid a five block radius around Little Italy during San Gennaro because of the tourists) and everything there is authentic to the festival. Not to pick on San Gennaro because I do love Italian sausage, but 75% of what goes on has nothing to with Italy.

If you've filled up on Egg Rolls, Egg Creams and ice cream (Chozen, it's got chutzpah!) and aren't ready to leave there are activities for kids and adults. Although unless you are a Jewish or Chinese grandmother I recommend you stick to the kids activities because the main adults event is mah jong and these women will school you. ESPN should consider broadcasting these if the NFL strike goes through.

Manicure Motivated Meals

I am deliberately not cooking for the next few days. Not even instant oatmeal for breakfast. I just got a wonderful manicure (Hana Nails on Maiden Lane and Williams) and want to make it last at least through Monday night. No risking chipping a nail while chopping onions and definitely no washing the dishes (something I don't like even when not freshly manicured).

So my meals are planned around my manicure. Pizza from Adrienne's tonight, no need for silverware that would need to be washed (plastic ware doesn't cut it). Tomorrow I am treating myself to the bacon from Cipriani Le Specialita for breakfast - the sacrifices I have to make for beauty. And thanks to an immersion day with a vendor lunch and dinner I can use silverware and not have to wash it.

I wonder if I can negotiate this into a future pre-nup agreement? Two days post manicure my husband will need to make due with ordering in, heating up leftovers or cooking himself. It will already be understood that he is always in charge of the dishes.

Full But Not Satisfied

It's my own fault. I chose my sandwich too quickly. I didn't think about what I wanted, I was just thinking about my stomach and filling it.

One of the perks of my job is that we have vendors who want to sell us their media space and will happily bring us lunch in order to have our attention for as long as it takes us to finish the John's pizza, Qdoba burrito bar or Brother Jimmy's BBQ they have brought in. Today it was 'wichcraft sandwiches.

There is something about this setting that turns my brain to its primal mode where all I think is "get the food before anyone else". I think it's the a weird combination of being an only child and never having to share and at the same time growing up in an inn where I was always eating leftovers. That's my therapist's problem, not mine.

My problem is that this primal instinct ends up fucking over my choice because I am so intent on getting enough food I don't think about what will satisfy me. 40 minutes later I am full but I know it wasn't what I wanted and there is a niggling at the back of my brain saying "get something else". Which is falls under the category of Bad Idea Jeans since I am already full and eating more would give me the stomach of a woman in her second trimester and I am pretty sure there's an HR policy against unbuttoning your pants at the office.

Normally this doesn't stop me, but today I sucked it up (and in, I chose the pork sandwich*) and made the fullness of my stomach trump the emptiness of cerebellum. And tomorrow I am going to take a deep breath before charging the falafel from Crisp and eat a lunch that satisfies.

*I have nothing against 'wichcraft's pork sandwich. It is a yummy sandwich, it just wasn't the sandwich I wanted today.

Horse is a Nonstarter

As a single girl involved in the online dating world I have a few deal breakers:

1. Smoking - eventually it will be because I love him and don't want him to die, but initially it's just because kissing a smoker is gross
2. Vegetarians - if I am going to cook dinner for you almost every night there's going to be meat involved with most meals
3. Vegans - why would I ever want my kids to be exposed to bad values

Last night I met a guy who gave a great first impression - he suggested BBQ at Fette Sau, even the baked beans there have burnt ends in them. And although fireworks didn't go off, the conversation was flowing well. At least until we were in line for food and he mentioned horse - eating it and loving the taste.

Now "Bizarre Foods" is one of my favorite shows and I always order the crispy sweetbreads at The Breslin. But I grew up riding horses, I read "Misty of Chincoteague" until it was falling apart and loved "The Black Stallion". I will judge you for even trying horse, let alone admitting that you loved the taste.

I was in a pickle. While I felt an obligation to Misty and The Stallion to make a stand, I had already decided on the sweet sausage, pork cheeks and lamb belly. I am ashamed to say I stayed in line and placed my order.

Well karma's a bitch and she's on the side of the horses. Got to the cashier and Mr. Horse said "I paid for mine" and then just looked at me for approval.

When (not if) you go to Fette Sau get the brisket and one or two cuts that other places don't have - otherwise why put yourself through the pain of dealing with the Billyburg hipsters. The only side that's worth it is the baked beans with burnt ends. The other sides are too fussy - cole slaw should not have bell peppers.

1,000 Times More Relaxing Than a Nap

My fingers are ruby red from peeling roasted beets, my apartment smells of vegetables roasting in olive oil and thyme and the soothing sound of beef ternderloin sizzling before getting put in the oven is in the background. This is the most relaxed I have been in ages.

I haven't cooked in about two weeks and I can feel it both physically and mentally, despite being on vacation (staycation really, I'm easing in to being able to take a real vacation).

Despite not being hunched over a desk and being true to my self-promise to not check my work e mails for the past four days I have still been exhausted and still not able to completely disconnect. My plan this afternoon was to go to Whole Foods and then nap until whenever in order to feel rested. I thought that sleep was what I needed, I was wrong.

When I started unpacking the groceries my fatigue started to fade and when I put on my apron I stood up straight an no longer felt like being curled up in bed. Physically it felt energizing to be chopping and lifting pans in and out of the oven. Mentally it was cleansing. I couldn't worry about the work e mails I hadn't checked or that pesky credit card bill that still insists on coming every month - there was open flame in my apartment! And I was still being productive having prepared dinner, and several lunches and other dinners since the recipe serves six*.

In about 40 minutes I will be savoring the fruits of my labor and a lovely glass of Bordeaux. Or really the Beef Tenderloin with Rosemary and Chocolate and the Jewel Roasted Vegetables from "The Food You Crave" by Ellie Krieger.

*Addendum, this is a meal that I am looking forward to eating multiple times as it was delicious. There were no ingredient portions that seemed off and just put in for "presentation". A few recos if you pick up the cookbook and make these recipes - definitely salt to taste which means more than just a few shakes. Remember that the salt will cook off and it helps bring out the flavor. Once the sauce is cooked taste it and feel free to add more cocoa if it doesn't seem right, we all have different palates.

Sleeping In and Drinking Prosecco

Yesterday I had what many (if not all) of my friends who are moms would say they are very jealous of. In fact I was told point blank over FB yesterday when I announced that I slept in until 9 a.m. "everyone with a kid wants to stab you through the heart right now" So I didn't want to increase the level of animosity by also announcing that because I wanted something refreshing to go with my spicy Indian leftovers I popped open a bottle of Prosecco just before noon and spent the rest of the day lounging around on my terrace.


Now that was a fabulous (and slightly tipsy) day.